I have a lot of questions
And finding those answers may be my life's work.
I’ve been reading a lot recently about the stories people tell to justify genocide. Also all the justifications people are using to hide knowledge that they don’t like from children . I see this especially around trans kids.
Why are we so obsessed with telling other people (and this includes children) who they can be?
Why don’t we trust children to know who and what they are? Why don’t we spend their childhoods building up their confidence rather than find reasons to tear it down? Why do we feel we need to prepare them for the world rather than just be there when they learn life lessons? Why do we hide knowledge from them?
Back when families lived generationally, they knew about sex, about death, about childbirth. Now it seems we’re only comfortable talking about violence.
Why can’t we just let people make their own choices, even if they are ones we wouldn’t make? Why do we make decisions for them in the name of protection rather than give them all the information and let them do it?
Why can’t we be more honest about our feelings? Why don’t we teach people how to handle rejection gracefully and impersonally?
Why do we dehumanize people so easily? Why do we encourage labelling people as evil or monsters if they do harm? Or even if they belong to a specific social group?
Imagine a world where everyone, no matter what they do or say, are met with loving kindness. Where consequences are meted out with an eye to instruction rather than punishment. Where every action is measured by what harm it will cause and people are taught to not cause harm.
Yeah, I want to live in that world.
I know some of the responses. People are selfish. The world is an unfair place. Some people are unredeemable. What about keeping the people I love and my stuff safe? These are all valid concerns. But I do wonder how much of selfishness and violence is taught. How unredeemable would some people be if at an early age there was a mechanism for them to experience the harm they are inflicting on others? How would our society run if we stopped rewarding selfishness and supported working together instead?
I seem to remember reading a study a long time ago that showed rather than groups of stranded people turning into a Lord of the Flies situation, they turned into a cooperative instead. The conclusion was that as human beings our baseline is to work together. So what if we looked at ways to structure our societies to use this instinct?
But socialism has never worked! That’s what I found when I searched the internet. As a top-down model, that is correct. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the changes we can make at a micro level, starting with ourselves. Learning to accept the choices others’ make around us, even when we know it’s a mistake, and offer unconditional support instead. Learning to make the more compassionate choice in our actions, rather than the easy, more acceptable one. And standing up to any legislation that looks to other someone, or tell them who they can and cannot be. That seems like a good start.
And yes, that means meeting those who would impose their will on others with love, not anger. Massively hard but I believe necessary. For me, it helps to look at their beliefs as a product of programming, both familial and societal. As a product of fear because they were never taught how to navigate change or how to be different in a group. And to try to find compassion for that fear.
That’s the challenge I set for myself. Change isn’t easy and I’ll be gentle with myself as I go through it. But if I want to live in a kinder world, it starts with being kind.