Helpful or Harmful?
A different way to frame actions
I was having a discussion recently where we were talking about how light needs the darkness to be seen. This moved into how many people see things in black and white, right and wrong when most of the time things are a shade of grey. And it struck me that instead of deciding things are right and wrong, which moves discussions into judgement, how about we describe things as helpful and harmful?
My friends agreed that this was a good way of looking at things, since sometimes what is helpful to one person is harmful to another. I do really like the idea of not trading in absolutes because it seems that really separates us from our common humanity.
Is this concept useful to you?
I was leading a group meditation and I was shown pink light coming out from all of our hearts and spreading out around the earth, covering every living thing. I sensed that the pink was compassion for all. What then came in strongly was extending this compassion even to those who take harmful actions while setting strong boundaries to protect those who are being harmed.
This sparked an emotion reaction to some in the group who had gone through some very tough things and they were wrestling with this very question. It’s a definite challenge to want to act with love in this world without bypassing the real harm that are coming to people because of absolutes. Drawing boundaries seem so important right now, as is finding community support.
If I truly want to live my belief that we are all part of the Divine, then I can’t believe in the concept of evil. Actions can be very dark, taken to deliberately harm others, but the term “evil” others. We all carry darkness within us and need to consciously choose in each moment whether to be helpful or harmful. This choice is especially hard when we see others being harmful.
In writing this, I was reminded of a book I was gifted years ago: The Secret of Shambhala by James Redfield. Yes, this is part of the Celestine Prophecy series, the third book, but it was the one I started with. What stayed with me was the idea of looking behind the eyes of even the most harmful person and looking for the light there. How you are much more powerful taking action from a place of peace and love rather than anger and fear, even as the latter feels more powerful at first. I like this paragraph:
We must also keep all negative thoughts out of our heads concerning other people. If our fear ever turns to anger and we lapse into thinking the worst of others, a negative prayer goes out that tends to create in them exactly the behaviour we expect. That’s why teachers who expect great things from their students usually get it, and when they expect the negative, they get that too.
Most people believe it is a bad things to say something negative about others but that it’s okay to think it. We now know it’s not okay; thoughts matter.
This is a challenge I’m setting for myself. Because I’m a student of history, I look out at this moment that we’re in and easily see where things can go bad fast. However, this is not the past, this is a new moment. History didn’t have social media, history didn’t have so many people looking to connect each other rather than tear each other down. History didn’t have so many people looking for more authentic ways of being rather than doing what society outlined for them. In this there is hope.
The flip side is that I also believe in Maya Angelou's observation of when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Hence the compassion while protecting. Separating out people from actions. Not slapping absolutist labels. Not associating with people who see your authenticity as a threat and act accordingly.
In the end, it’s about holding the vision of the world I want to see, while interacting with the world as it currently is. To shift from one to the other has to start with myself, in taking a bird’s eye view of this world without judgment and let the pink light of compassion shine through it all.
As I was trying to figure out how to end this, I read the transcript from Martha Beck’s most recent Gathering Room and I like how she’s framing things. I highly recommend checking it out.