Dad saying hi from the other side

And using Perry Como to do it.

Wow, apologies for being so long between posts! I should be able to do better the next few weeks.

My father is haunting me and he’s using Perry Como to do it. Why Perry? Because both my parents adored him. My dad’s prized possession was a signed concert program when they travelled to see him in Buffalo. Perry was the soundtrack to my childhood and he was a definite Christmas staple.

Ever since we switched the radio at work to a channel with holiday music, my dad has taken the opportunity to communicate via Perry’s classic Home For The Holidays.

Home For the Holidays

It kicks me in the gut every time. The first time I was relaxing on lunch. I hear the dulcet tones that are unmistakably Perry and my eyes watered. I was a wreck and it took me a bit to come back to myself.

The next day we’re having a potluck lunch in the lounge when Perry comes on. It's the exact same time. I have to ask them to turn the volume down so I don't lose it. At that point I figured the station will just recycle the same list so as long as I am not in the lounge at that time I will be fine. 

I did not get that lucky.

These days, Perry comes on as I am walking by the lounge on my way to get some tea or use the bathroom. Once I realized it was my dad saying hi, the stab of grief lessened but is still there. He has even shown up where I am living using a different Christmas song as I was getting ready to leave to see my family.

This album would be played almost every day when I was a kid during the Christmas season.

This Christmas is harder without him than last year. Then again, this time last year I had just had my second surgery in 6 weeks so I was a bit preoccupied.

I am doing all the things that are healthy around grief - allowing myself to feel it, reminding myself that I can still talk to him every though he's on another plane of existence, being gentle with myself. But I miss my dad. He'll, I would probably be living with him right now if he were still here.

I am doing the best I can but it does feel like my grieving process was put on hold with my diagnosis and has come back with a vengeance now. I’ve done a lot of crying. I’ve howled. It’s such a tricky, tricky thing.

I wasn’t sure how to end this post so I asked the cards to help me out. I got this:

The card talks about trusting in things you can’t see and being open to signs. Ok, then.

Are you missing a loved one this holiday season? Are they sending you messages too?